Whether you have one young child in the home or three, maintaining a healthy and fun relationship can be challenging. 

After a full day working, caring for children and juggling all the other responsibilities that we have as adults, who has the energy or motivation to do anything other than slump on the sofa in front of Netflix or head straight to bed for some much-needed sleep?

But a happy, healthy relationship is rarely down to chance or luck. Those annoyingly content and smiley couples probably work hard at keeping their relationship on track. So, how do they do it?

Set Aside Time for One Another

Easier said than done, right? Finding the time (and energy) to spend some quality time with just your partner is no mean feat when you’re surrounded by little people.

In 7/10 UK households with two parents, both work while raising their children, and in over half (56.5%) of these families, one parent is in full-time employment. Throw in responsibilities such as caring for elderly or sick relatives and pets, managing freelance work and supporting older children who have left home, and it’s not hard to see why many couples allow their relationship to drop to the bottom of the list of priorities when a baby comes along.

But it is possible — and necessary — to set aside some time for one another each day. Establishing a routine is the key. Whether it’s 30 minutes after you put the last child to bed or a whole evening together, your “couple time” is non-negotiable. Setting an achievable goal will make it more likely that you’ll stick to it.

What is achievable will depend on your individual circumstances — what time do the children go to bed? Do they sleep through the night? What are your working hours? Even if all you can manage is half an hour at the kitchen table with a cuppa catching up about your days, this will boost your relationship and help you remain closely connected. Soon, a routine that felt challenging at the start will become a habit, and you won’t think twice about doing it.

Get Creative about Date Nights 

If you can arrange one child-free evening a month, be that thanks to a great childminder or a doting grandparent, great! But when this isn’t possible, it’s time to get creative and make the most of the time you have after the kids go to bed.

Pop a date night on the calendar each month and stick to it (see point one about making time for one another a habit). On that night, do your best to put the children to bed on time and have a plan in place for a special evening together — it’s harder to come up with creative ideas when you’re exhausted! If your kids are old enough, explain to them that this is your time and set boundaries — they will soon adapt to this new routine just as you will the more you do it.

There are plenty of fun ways to spend time together without leaving the house and without disturbing sleeping children. Dust off your stash of board games and get competitive, do a puzzle together, take it in turns to prepare a romantic meal or have a theme night — clothing, food and films all following the same theme. Don’t set yourself up to fail. A date night can soon become a chore if it feels like too much effort at the end of a long day. Cut corners wherever you need to and keep it fun. For example, if cooking feels like too much work, treat yourselves to a cheese hamper delivery, pop open the Prosecco and have yourselves a hassle-free romantic carpet picnic. 

Allow Each Other Some “Me” Time

Allowing each other some time alone is just as important as having time together as a couple without the kids around. Many people who have a child forget that they are a person in their own right or feel “selfish” for having needs, desires and priorities that do not involve their children and partner when this is perfectly normal and healthy! Whether you’ve been together for one year or ten, whether you have one child or five, you’ll benefit from having a little “me” time occasionally to do just as you please.

There are many relationship benefits to having time apart. Being around people constantly can be exhausting, and many of us need some time to relax on our own, in whatever way we choose,  be it putting a face pack on and sliding into a bubble bath, watching the football with a beer or curling up with a book in the local coffee shop. Even a short burst of “me” time amidst an otherwise hectic, family-filled existence can be extremely refreshing and energising, reducing the chance of conflicts when you return to your family. You’ll also have a lot more to talk about during couple time and date nights if you don’t spend 24/7 together. And don’t forget, spending time apart does not have to mean spending time alone. When we get busy with family life, it can be easy to let friendships fall by the wayside. Taking the time for a coffee and catch up with a friend not only gives you a break from the day-to-day stresses of being a parent and partner, but it also provides an opportunity to talk about something new or get a fresh perspective on any problems you are facing. 

Being a parent can be exhausting and overwhelming. Finding the time to nurture the relationship with your partner may feel challenging or even impossible. But for most people, you can find a way to make time for each other and doing so will pay off in the short and the long term. You’ll be stronger, healthier and happier as individuals and as a couple. Your children will benefit too. Contented parents who support each other and have fun together are much more enjoyable to be around! 

Disclosure: This is a collaborative post.