How to be comfortable in your own skin
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How many of us would love to be to able to say they are comfortable in their own skin, yet it’s still a work in progress? It’s not an easy skill to master and I don’t think I have achieved it perfectly. However, as time goes on I am more at peace with who I am and understand what I need in order to look after myself.
One of the most important things is to stop trying to be someone else. Don’t compare yourself to anyone’s else’s life. This is easier said than done with social media, but social channels are brief moments of our day and hide a lot of the reality. Everyone’s life has good bits and bad. They just don’t show them online. So the first step is to just be yourself. There is room for everyone!
Years ago if you’d asked me what I love about myself I would struggle to come up with any attributes at all! Now I think I would say a character strength rather than a physical attribute. It’s funny how I wouldn’t have valued this about myself in the past. As a society, we are so fixated on the physical.
I’ve come to realise that being authentic towards my friends, family and myself is much more meaningful. It’s very common now to have hundreds of ‘friends’ online and yet not know anything about these people. Would you all be there for each other in difficult moments? Probably not.
So being real in all of your relationships is a must and that includes loving yourself.
How do you achieve this though when maybe you are lacking confidence. Maybe you’re not in a good place now, or you keep doubting your own train of thought?
It takes time, as with everything. There is a process to go through, you are changing your mindset and it can’t happen overnight. These are the things which have helped me and I hope they are useful to you as well…
Getting out for a meal with a friend
I don’t mean with a large group of noisy semi-acquaintances! A long lunch or a coffee with a genuine, caring friend who knows you well does wonders for the soul. You can be yourself with them. You don’t have to just say you’re ‘fine’ if you’re not.
Feeling understood by someone who lets you be yourself is very rewarding. So make sure you are checking in with the friends who treat you well.
When you’re ready you can think about finding these same qualities in a partner, through a company such as welovedates who care about people meeting a person who accepts them as they are.
At the moment due to restrictions, we can’t always meet face to face. However to try to meet in the outdoors if allowed or have a cocktail or dinner together online. You could even cook a meal together which can take the pressure off and get the conversation going.
We all need authentic friendships.
Work and purpose
I strongly believe that the cure for many ill thoughts is to have a purpose. It’s not something you can always just grab on to. It depends what is happening for you at that moment and there are many dark times you may not be able to see it.
However, having joy in your working life or working towards something you care about creates motivation and satisfaction and it is a bit addictive. I’m sure this is the only reason I survived my daughter’s early diagnosis with Type 1 Diabetes. She was 2 years old and my business had just started to take off, I knew I had to continue, as I wouldn’t be able to care for her and work for anyone in a conventional way.
I actually wanted to give up and just care for her. But I’m glad I didn’t. It gave me something else to think about, learn about. Something else to concentrate on and not fall down a hole of despair but instead gain some pride in myself for carrying on and creating what I’ve built today.
You don’t have to do something sensational, just have an aim in mind and when you’re low, drive towards that purpose. You will learn amazing things about what you’re capable of.
Fresh air and exercise
If you’re not a gym bunny suggesting exercise will not go down well! However, there’s no doubt that getting some fresh air and leaving the four walls of your home does an immense amount of good.
Getting outdoors can completely change your mood and if you don’t let yourself question it and just go, soon you will feel the benefits and it will become a habit. People who spend more time outdoors usually have less anxiety, better sleep and improved self-esteem.
Being happy in your own company
This is one of the hardest steps to achieve but is really important for your level of happiness. Taking the time to learn what you actually enjoy and indulging yourself is a skill!
Whether you enjoy reading, having a long bath. Going on a hike or baking.
Being comfortable in your own skin ultimately means making yourself happy and that is something you have to learn to do alone first. If and when you then meet someone else, they will be drawn to you as you have a whole and rounded positive demeanour which doesn’t rely on others for happiness.
The key to being comfortable in your own skin is to value yourself. Be kind to yourself and prioritise your wellbeing. It takes little steps which become habits, which become your whole lifestyle and part of you.